Friday, September 5, 2008

Just Friends?

Can women and men be just friends without intimacy or attraction for each other? And if they are attracted do you feel that the flesh is strong enough to refrain?

I think a few things has to happen to make this possible.

I don't feel you can start off with an attraction and turn it off to "just be friends". Especially if the attraction is mutual. However that doesn't mean you will be intimate with that person, I just personally think it keeps the door open for a lot of possibilities that wouldn't be there if there wasn't any chemistry. I know it is possible, I've lived it. Before and during marriage. I was closer to guys than females and it never went down like that.

If you are in a relationship how would you feel about your partner becoming friends with someone of the opposite sex?

Hubby and I said a long time ago that if this person came before "us" then they should stay around. But to come home with numbers or talking to the opposite sex regularly claiming you are "friends" when you just met might be questionable. Especially if they are single and you aren't interested in your partner joining in on the friendship.

Guys and girls use that term very lightly when it comes to friends. Meeting random people and calling them friends is just an excuse to talk to them and it comes to no surprise if these "friends" hook up.

Do you think the only way for women and men to be platonic friends is if there is no chemistry?

Pleasures of the flesh is deadly. Sex is everywhere. Can you withstand your partner having a "friend"?


Don said...

Well, of course I only speak for myself....but yes I think, I know that I personally can be just friends with a woman. I have a couple female friends and we are strictly friends. I think that comes from these three women being close to my relatives and whatnot.

On the other hand, I have one female friend who is married and although our framework leans towards us being only friends, I cannot lie and say that I haven't pondered the endless possibilities. I have. But I know that is just wishful thinking due to the undeniable fact that she's spoken for.

Can she and I be friends? Well, I think it depends solely upon her own wants and needs, those seperate from her significant other.

Good topic, Tia.

Tia's Real Talk said...

That's good to hear a male speak that way. A lot of them say that it is not possible especially if the female is attractive, regardless if she's married or not.

Don said...

Well, if you asked this question a few years ago I would have said that I didn't think it was possible. Now, since I don't necessarily view the world in the same light, I have female friends who are really just friends. I also have female friends who I'd love to romance and have that romance reciprocated. But it hasn't taken place, Yet.

Blinders Off said...

Yes, it is possible and a relationship can survive their significant other being friends with the opposite sex. I have been living it for over twenty years. Let us not forget having friends of the opposite sex can pose a problem if you realize your friend of the opposite hopes it could one day be more than friendship. If that happens, it is your responsible to set the record straight and if you continue to get a I want to be more than a friend vibe from your opposite sex friend. It is your responsibility to END the friendship.

Don mentioned wishful thinking… Wishful thinking and personal Vibes are not the same. IMO, it is difficult for most couples to accept their significant others to have the opposite sex as a friend, mainly because one or both have the green eye monster of jealousy living in them and they allow others to stick their nose in their relationship.

Couples that can accept that are couples who are secure in their relationship and truly trust and love the person they are with, but most importantly, they are each other BEST FRIEND.

Ms.Erika said...

I agree, friendships before marriage can be kept. Friendships made after the marriage that don't include the spouse may not be healthy for the marriage. Sometimes it's hard to tell what someone else is thinking, so you always have to keep your eyes open when dealing with "new friends".

The flesh is weak and under the right circumstance almost anything could happen. Especially if it's been brewing under the surface for awhile.

Tia's Real Talk said...

I totally agree with you once again Ms erika..people use the term friends tooo loosely. Myfriendships are all over 6 yrs old. You can be friendly without being a friend.

Stephanie said...

Can Men and women be friends without the intimacy? Great question! It really relies on the indiviuals. And most of the time it depends on how you met and how you truly feel. If I met you somewhere and it was just friendly and I had no background thoughts about us hooking up and the same thing went on on your end, then we can truly be friends. But it one of us is waiting on an opportunity or if we wanted to approach one another in another way then that might not be the best situation. Not to say that you can't meet someone that way and know that you and that person are only going to be friends. But if there was something there, would you share that part with your mate? Or would you leave it out?


Tia's Real Talk said...

Girl no I would not I would the other direction.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Dr. Phil said it perfectly, would you behave "that" way if your partner was in the room? If the answer is no, then don't cross that line. I agree w/you and your husband, friends before us should be introduced and friends after us should be "mutual". I'm currently celibate and I'm proud that I see gorgeous men everywhere and I'm not tempted. They are, but I'm learning a lot about sex and a woman's worth. So with that, if you ain't my husband, you ain't get'n none. (When I remarry)

Tia's Real Talk said...

free spirit- it takes a lot of strenght and will power to deny the flesh and I think what you are doing is great!