Thursday, September 23, 2010

Managing Perception

I have always managed perception without really knowing the term, or that I was even doing it. It wasn't until my recent business venture that I had become aware. As Regional Exec. of my business, I am to be a certain way. During our meeting I am to conduct myself a certain way. First off you need to be at every single meeting. Second, when you are there, you must be attentive. Take notes even if you know whats being said and you heard millions of times. Dress accordingly, and refrain from texting, talking, note passing or anything that is disruptive or considered a "bad look" for someone at the regional exec. position.

Rewind, I have always managed my perception. It was with the help of my hubby that I realized it. Early in my marriage 22 or 23, I was looking for my uncle and found him at a bar. I went in, spoke with him, sat, laughed and talked. There came a point when my cousin and I was asked to take a picture by my uncles good friend. No harm...we took the picture, not knowing that a HUGE crowd of thugs and hoodlums were standing and jumping in the pics as well. I never saw the pic but I know what someone looking at it would think. You definitely wouldn't think that I was a sweet, young married girl that didnt drink or club at all!! By stepping foot in that bar changed any perception of what I wanted to be viewed as. I am sure the photo threw it out the door as well. I am a wife and mother and christian. Also the daughter-in-law of an Elder at a high profiled church in Chicago. Because of that, there are certain places and things you will not catch me in or doing. I will not be in the clubs. I chose that way before I got married. Check out my real fist reason for not clubbing by clicking here(be sure to see the tragic video afterwards). Next, I started realizing that it wasnt a place for me as a married woman. No, not saying married women shouldn't be there, but I shouldn't. Everything that's at the club is what was associated with a single worldly person. The suggestive clothing, music, drinking and drugs and the inappropriate behavior of club goers. I have no interest in being associated with that kind of stigma.

Present day, and what this post is truly about, Pastor Eddie Long. Many say he didn't do it, it's not true. I'm not here to say either or. Nor will I voice my opinion on whether or not I think he did. What I will say is some pictures have surfaced, because I want to manage the perception that I am not judgemental or a basher, I will NOT post them. I will say that as a pastor, even though he was clothed, the pics that I found were pics that I think should never be sent to ANYONE! It doesn't manage the perception of a pastor.

In any event, this post was to shed light on how to conduct yourself and represent who you are accordingly. If you are a wild clubber, a modeled citizen, a law official, a christian.... ARE YOU MANAGING YOUR PERCEPTION??


Jonathan said...

Very well said babe....

Tia's Real Talk said...

WOW!! What an honor! Thanks for reding and commenting. You know hearing from you on my blogs means a lot!

Moanerplicity said...

I feel you on this, my Sista, & I'm glad I read along until the end. It's unfortunate that a woman in a bar can lead certain people to assume certain things about her, whether or not that assumption has anything at all to do w/ REALITY.

The MAIN thing, & the most tricky thing about perception (whether it be yours, mine, or the man on the moon's), is that OUR perception quickly becomes OUR reality. It doesn't matter so much of what a person intends or what they mean. If you hear it, see it or feel it (in a way that it wasn't meant to be rec'd) YOUR perception STILL RULES your personal REALITY.

There's no talking someone out of it. It's a very convincing trick of the mind.

So there's the actual intent, someone else's perception of it, and then there's the REAL reality.

As for the pastor/ bishop: I've seen one of the pics floating around online. It doesn't look too innocent. And yes, it can definitely lead to snap judgments & a foster a dubious/shady perception in anyone's mind who views it.

The question becomes: What IS his reality? And just WTH was he THINKING???


Tia's Real Talk said...

@ Moanerplicity, see that's why you got the award!! I couldn't have said it better myself. You are correct in your points. Also what was he thinking? Unless those were for his wife and they were stolen out of his phone..there is no reason the photos shouldve been taken. In his position, he probably shouldn't have even taken them for his wife, just because of a situation like this. Thanks for sharing!!

Val said...

Wow, what a great post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

I think this would be a good lesson for a lot of people, especially people on Youtube. Ha.

As for Eddie Long; you said a whole lot without being judgmental. That's something I really admire. And something I need to work on.

Tia's Real Talk said...

Hey Val!! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a word. I never thought about you are soo right! HA!!
Question.... do you feel you rep yourself/beliefs correctly? Do ya'll feel that you manage your perception?

Val said...


I think that I do. I'm very aware of how I present myself. My mom is the one who instilled that in me.

I'm always very careful of who I associate with and what I do and say in public. Of course there is always room for improvement.

25champ said...

I've said this to my ex wife many times that u r responsible 4 how u are perceived, but I thnk ppl love being misunderstood that's why they justify their behavior or rationalize their faults. I love how u made it clear that's about taking responsibility for ur actions. Great Post! as always

Reggie said...

Excellent post!!!

One of these days I'm going to try really hard to be as tactful as you were when you wrote this. I want to be just like you when I grow up. Until then, I'm gonna keep being me I suppose.

But to your point, perception is indeed reality.

Tia's Real Talk said...

Thanks Regg! At the end of the day its just about being honest about who you say you are. Be real!! Be honest!! Be what you say and claim you are! Act accordingly to the image you are portraying!

James Tubman said...

white people who run the media have a lot of nerve blowing black people up like that when there are 1000 times more sexual predators and homosexuals in the white community especially among the white ruling elite (professionals, politicians, businessmen, celebrities and other very important white people)

I guess they must have got tired of reporting on the thousands of white priests who molest children everyday so they say lets get one of the black ones

if you live in a glass house you shouldnt throw stones lol