Friday, June 25, 2010

What if.....?

What do you do when the life you knew was not the truth? What if at the age of 7 you found out that "daddy" was not your real father. You never knew anything about him and as a child were afraid to ask. However, on your 18th birthday your mom sits you down and tells you the whole story. She tells you that she had just ended a long relationship with her fiance and found solace in the arms of her old flame and good friend. She tells you that she found out that the "old flame" was living a double life and that he was married with kids! She had been the other woman and didn't know it until you were conceived. She told him she was pregnant and that she was keeping you and that his jig was up. She knew all about his wife and kids. The final blow is that she reveals is that only 1 family member knows who your real father is. Everyone including your step dad (the only father you've ever known) thinks you are the product of the ex fiance. Not knowing that the relationship with the fiance had dissolved almost a year earlier. For years you wanted to find him or know who he was. With some research you knew you could find him. Until one day you find out that for 7yrs he knew how to reach you but chose not to. You ask your mom if he had ever done anything for you and she said "a pack of diapers and $20", and she thinks it's only because she sent him a baby pic of you.

For years you've put it behind you. Not wanting to disturb his life or inflict a blow to his wife and children that he had a love child. However a part of you wants to know why, and see the other half of you. But what if you aren't accepted, after all he knew where you were for 7yrs. Not to mention the fact that the whole family might end up knowing the truth. What if you are called a home wrecker or what if you find out he's dead! Can you handle the what if's? What would you do? Search, or move on?


Moanerplicity said...

Deep. I'm not sure how I would handle it. Because, being an adult, I would have to realize that the world does not revolve around me, my cares, my wants and needs, and that several others could/would suffer deeply from MY TRUTH. I woudn't want the karmic results that could come from hurting those who never hurt me.

I would have to take comfort in the fact that GOD doesn't make mistakes, and that I'm exactly where HE wanted me to be, with the people in my life HE wanted placed there (for a reason).

I would pray for the strength and the Grace to get me through those weak days and weaker moments when I wanted nothing more than to scream my truth to the world.

But most of all, I would be thankful and grateful for my Life, even in its imperfect state... because I know that I matter, that my living matters, and that I mean something very important to those who love me.

And then I would simply:

Snatch JOY!

One Love.


Tia's Real Talk said...

Moanerplicity - LOVED IT!!! I totally agree!!! There is a reason "he/she" never seen or met him. Everything that God doesn't allow is for our protection and HE knows best. If it is to happen, it will happen.

Thanks for sharing.

25champ said...

U hav a right to search without a bit of remorse. So what if every1 finds out and his life is wrecked and the secret is exposed. That's what comes with lies and deciet. u hav a right to know why, u have a right to heal frm what ever this situation has done 2 u. Theirs not many times in life that u get to be selfish, but this is one of them. Thanks 4 sharing and good luck.

Tia's Real Talk said...

@ 25champ- That too is a good point. You do have the right. What makes you think this is my story? lol

Jess said...

If I felt that something was truly missing in my life- like I couldn't go on without knowing, I'd search. Not for him to know me, but for me to know him. Every bit of anger that I would have about him and the situation would only be hurting me.

But personally, I also think that some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes it's best to just let sleeping dogs sleep.

Tia's Real Talk said... guys..that story was mine!! The only difference is, he sent a whole $25 every week!!!!!!!! lol. I googled him...found him. Too scared to do is so I had my sister call. (He is not her father). She told him about me...they tried the memory game..he remembered some things a little. He told her he will help me in any way he can. She said.."no no..she doesn't want/need money..she just wants to know you. She is a beautiful, loving caring young lady who's married with beautiful children and you would be sooo proud of her!" He says.."tell her to call me".
So I called him Friday!!!For the first time EVER. He played it safe because I'm sure he's scared..thinking I want money or gonna bash him..or ask 20 questions on why he did what he did. He said he dont remember...32 yrs ago was a long time ago and his mind is gone. He claims he doesnt even remember the convo with my sister that happened 2 months prior. Only time will tell if he truly doesn't remember. Deep down I think he remembers..I think he was guarding himself..he didnt want to say the wrong thing or say too much. He told me he's sorry he cant help me or remember..but he told me I can call him anytime..he also asked if I had kids and where did i live. Sounds like he remembers a little to me. Who would ask that if they didnt remember anything...I will call him again to state my place and position. that i'm a christian who doesnt want anything from him. No money...not trying to be in the family and meet everyone. I just wanted closure...good or bad..completion. That I forgive him..I am not angry..I pray for him all the time and I just wanted to finally talk to him before it was too late. All of that will be said on our next convo. Weird huh??!??!??! SCARY..please pray

25champ said...

I'm glad u continued to reach out....My brotha was killed July 9, 2011 (last Sat) and although he was adopted blood couldn't make us any closer.. he was 25yrs old and been with us since he was 8...we were very close and this has been hard... he reached out to his biological family when he became and adult and got mixed his entire family is devasted ....I guess it's guilt... ppl r rt somethings are best left unsaid, but reaching out to family isn't one of them...thanks 4 sharing and God Bless