I haven't blogged in forever!! I usually try to format my writings so that it flows and is easy to follow and understand. But today...... who cares.
I am getting back to blogging for me. For my therapy, my sanity. If it helps someone else, awesome! But if not, that's ok because tonight it's about me.
I struggle with vulnerability. Really letting people in to be there for me is hard. My mother in love passed last year and my life has not been the same. I think different, I move different. Not as happy as I once was. I pray that it's just a grieving process and that this too shall pass. However I will admit that I, for the first time allowed myself to be vulnerable to my friends. I broke down in front of a few of them and I actually felt better! I've never experienced allowing people to comfort me. It showed me that I truly have amazing friends!! For that, I'm grateful.
But when it comes to my health, sharing does not feel good. I dont like the way I feel when I talk about my MS. I dont like how it makes people worry about me or feel sorry for me. I don't like feeling like a Damsel in Distress. I don't like being looked at as if I'm handicapped or disabled. Talking about it, sharing what I'm going through especially during an exacerbation is very difficult. I can't talk about it without almost crying. I hate crying! It does not feel good at all. Not before during or after. Sigh... I guess it is what it is.
2 comments:
Hi Tia. It's been a long time since I've actually blogged and I miss it, but most of all I miss the connections. I'm praying things have improved for you since this post, in you mind, body, and spirit. Meanwhile, say a prayer for this surrounded but lonely blogger.
God Bless You More,
SLC
Hi SLC!!! Wow!! It is so nice to see this message from you!! Well,all of this is still true but I'm in a better place. Not as happy as I was but I'm not in a bad place either. I guess I'll just say, it's a different type of happy. I also was thinking how I miss the connections we've had. All of us bloggers chatting and visiting each other's post. I miss that! Let's keep in touch. I will definitely pray for you. Lord you know the cares and concerns of my brother, I ask that you heal his mind his body and his soul. Give him peace comfort and strength in Jesus name! I hope to hear from you soon my friend.
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