I haven't blogged in forever!! I usually try to format my writings so that it flows and is easy to follow and understand. But today...... who cares.
I am getting back to blogging for me. For my therapy, my sanity. If it helps someone else, awesome! But if not, that's ok because tonight it's about me.
I struggle with vulnerability. Really letting people in to be there for me is hard. My mother in love passed last year and my life has not been the same. I think different, I move different. Not as happy as I once was. I pray that it's just a grieving process and that this too shall pass. However I will admit that I, for the first time allowed myself to be vulnerable to my friends. I broke down in front of a few of them and I actually felt better! I've never experienced allowing people to comfort me. It showed me that I truly have amazing friends!! For that, I'm grateful.
But when it comes to my health, sharing does not feel good. I dont like the way I feel when I talk about my MS. I dont like how it makes people worry about me or feel sorry for me. I don't like feeling like a Damsel in Distress. I don't like being looked at as if I'm handicapped or disabled. Talking about it, sharing what I'm going through especially during an exacerbation is very difficult. I can't talk about it without almost crying. I hate crying! It does not feel good at all. Not before during or after. Sigh... I guess it is what it is.
