Monday, February 25, 2008

What Is My Idenity?

So one day my husband and I are talking about being real to who you are. In his famous words, "do you". In light of this convo, I expressed my need to "keep the peace", even if it means biting my tongue and not fully expressing my feelings. In recent self-reflection, I realized I am a people pleaser. I will please you if it will "keep the peace".
My husband has always had a problem with me "keeping the peace" instead of "keeping it real". One battle I have recently had with myself- is being a people pleaser who I am? Is that my identity? Is that "doing me". Does it define who I am as a person?
Is that considered a genuine characteristic, to be a people pleaser? Or is it a fa├žade? Truth be told, still biting my tongue in regards to my opinion on things unless asked. I have become more vocal in displaying my likes, dislikes, wants and thoughts. Is it possible that my identity is doing what others want?
What is your take? Have you taken self inventory? Who are you and what is your true identity?


Anonymous said...

I don't think there's such thing as a "people pleaser" type being a true identity. Wanting to keep peace and wanting to see people happy are two things; but always and (most unneccessarily) sacrifising your own wants/ideas just to keep peace is a self-destructive habbit that will one day explode. Try doing this, when you're faced with a conflict or decision and others may want to argue/disagree, go ahead and have the debate and win, lose or comprimise.

Tia's Real Talk said...

You are absolutely right!! I'm learning to be more vocal, and also learning that being vocal doesnt mean peace is gone. Thanks.

PS..Please remember to sign your name at the end of your comment if you do not have a google account you will show up as anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Wow.... I never thought I would hear someone say what I was thinking. I too feel that I am a people pleaser. I try and make sure there is harmony with everyone and everything. I have done this for years only to realize that I was the one always fustrated because I didn't share my true feelings about things. One day I decided to "talk back" and give my opinion. You know what? The world did not I now realize that everyone has an opinion and we may not always agree but you can agree to disagree... and the world will still rotate on it's axis.

signed....."Talk to me"

Tia's Real Talk said...

"Talk To Me" you are sooo right. I held things in for years. And started to resent the one I wasnt honest with, when all along I should have resented myself for not being honest!!

Thanks "talk to me"

Don said...

I think I may be a combination of the two. With some people (mainly elders) I remain what you refer to as a "people pleaser." With others, who I know I can voice my opinions and they won't feel offended, I am more of an outspoken person.

Being vocal is a good thing I have come to find...cause a close mouth is not being fed.