What Should I do???

So, my fam and I just left Chicago Tuesday. We were there for 6 days and had a nice time. This trip was more for the kids than hubby and I. They had a great time. They played, swam, went to BBQ's and hung with cousins ALL day EVERY day!!

Unfortunately, it wasn't the trip for hubby and I as it usually is. We didn't do a date night or go to the lake like we do EVERY time we go home. We didn't do a date night at all!!! So hubby says that maybe we should make our Florida trip that was originally a family trip, just a trip for him and I. The kids don't know about Florida so it's not like they are expecting it. We would leave in a week. He says that they had a great trip and we focused on them then....so now we should focus on us now. I soooooooooooo want to leave them but I feel guilty. Feels like I shouldn't play without them. Especially in Florida..that has always been our family vacay...but however, we did miss our chance to play in Chicago. What do you think? It's only for the weekend....should we steal away without the kids...or take them with us??

Are you on Facebook???

Hey you guys!!!!! Are you on facebook?? Can you do me a HUGE favor!?!??! My babies put together a video and I need your help to vote for it so that they can win some great Disney World prizes!!! They've worked sooooooooooooooooo hard!!! Here's how you can help if you are on Facebook!

1, Go to Visalus Offical Fan Page and LIKE the page!
2, Scroll to find my video dated June 14th and when you find it, LIKE it! FYI, my name is Tia LaFayette ;)


If we are not already friends...here's a link to my page or you can find me via the fb badge to the right!! Thank you for your help!!

All for a REASON

We sometimes go thru life wondering why did our relationships fail, or people vanish from our lives without a word. Sometimes it's sooo sudden, and we have no clue as to why life has taken the turn it did.
I always used to say, where would I have been now if I didn't marry at 20, if I didn't have my first child at 20? It didn't dawn on me til I reached my mid 20's that I realized it was a protection from something. God allowed me to make my poor decision to get pregnant early because HE knew my future. He knew that if it wasn't with my now husband, that it would've probably been with someone else. I truly feel that meet, getting pregnant and getting married to my husband was a life saving event.

I look back to the type of girl I was, and I realize that I did not have much street sense. Not only that but I didn't have many standards either. All you had to do was be nice and seem as if you were trying to make a good life. Other than that..all else didn't matter. Well, not that it didn't matter but I don't think I paid attention to, or cared much about anything else. I look back on situations that I've been in that could have gotten me raped, kidnapped or even killed. I was wise, but not when it came to the streets. That was a place I had no place being, but found myself in situations that would've left me in harms way.

Which leads me to this young lady, Corrissa. She too was naive. The only difference between her and I was that I was not easily impressed. I didn't care for the rims, flashy dress, money and sound system. Remember, all you had to be was nice and treat me cool. As I look back..that wasn't enough. Maybe at the age of 19 that's how we all were, impressionable, but Corrissa lost her life.

So next time you question why, thank GOD instead!!

RIP Corrissa :(

To visit my blog, click here.

Is Your Order Out of Order?

My heart is heavy and this is where I am speaking from so please bare with the possible ramblings. I usually have my words together and in order and precise, unfortunately it's my heart that's typing and not my head.

God has truly been dealing with me the past few months. He is answering prayers and showing me who HE is. I have interceded for many people. Cried and prayed for others, and one by one He would show me how He has brought them full circle. He would show me how He did exactly what I prayed for. I slowly started to think..."Hey, what about me?" I have prayed for things and it seems as though God was purposely showing me the blessings of others but ignoring me. I know better than to let a thought like that cross into my head and I called satan out for the liar that he is. It wasn't until I heard a soft voice say, "you have not because you ask not." I started to realize that God was only doing what I asked of Him, and He was showing me. However, I said , "you are doing for everyone but me". I guess feeling sorry for myself. I started to realize how many tears I've cried on behalf of others. How many times I've prayed and poured my heart out for others. Yes I have prayed for myself and have been brought to tears, but never like the way I cry and pray for others. I started to realize while I'm being a light and a vessel for and of Him, I COULD be leading myself to hell and others to HIM. I realize that I need to worry about myself, my salvation and my walk more than I care about others. One reason is because I can't get them there, I can only help myself, and lastly, how can you guide others when your path is questionable?

I realized my order was out of order. Even though my head and heart puts GOD first all the time. My actions said otherwise. My order was, business, husband, kids, God then myself. Over the last few weeks I have started to rearrange that. He's coming back ya'll and when He does He is looking for His spotless bride. I am trying to do all that I know I'm suppose to to make sure I am chosen. The earthquakes and tsunami's are all in HIS word. The government can't help, your dollar will lose it's value and that can't help you either. Saving money, storing food and underground bunkers will not shield you. It doesn't matter anymore. Work on your order. When He is truly first, you don't have to work so hard at other things. When He is put in HIS proper place, He will handle EVERYTHING!!!

Read your bible as much as you can....read it out loud since faith comes by hearing!! Pray for wisdom and for God to speak to you and give you wisdom, knowledge and understanding of Him and His word and all things concerning HIM and HIS will in your life. I pray that whomever reads this is taken to a higher level in HIM. I also pray that everyone who is reading this takes a moment to say a prayer for me...as I am and have for you.

Love you all.....

God Bless

To visit my blog, click here.

Never would've Imagined!!

Everyone knows that I grew up in Chicago. My closest friends were from elementary school on the south side of Chicago. It's something about childhood friends from elementary. They prove to be the "true" friends of our childhood. There's a realness and an innocence about us as children. High school becomes filled with mean girls, popular against the unpopular, jocks against the geeks and so on.
Facebook has connected me with some of my closest best friends EVER!! I have found friends for kindergarten and up! It is a blessing and a reason for it.
Many of you know that I am a challenge promoter for the fastest growing weight loss company in the world! With 4million pounds lost in a year and 20,000 new members since last month, we are a force to be reckoned with!
This business has reunited me with one of my elementary school friends. With the help of facebook, I have been able to find her, reconnect with her, help her with her health and weight and VERY soon we will be working together in the business! God works in mysterious ways!
Shanika, I am glad I found you, I'm glad that you are here in atl with me, and I can't wait til we grow together Financially, Mentally, Spiritually and humbly!!


PS...Shanika has turned her eating habits around and has lost 2lbs in 3 days on the 90 Day Body By Vi Challenge! Ask us how!!!




Soooooooooooo proud of you! GO SHANIKA!!! Looking forward to adding you to my before and after photos!!

Addicted!!

Repost

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word addiction? Most think of substance abuse (drugs, alcohol) But there are more addicts in society than we know. You and I could very well be an addict!!
Some of us have addictive personalities/behaviors and don't even know it.
Do you find yourself needing to talk with that special someone everyday, and if not you don't sleep well? Do you need that cup of coffee to get your day on the right track? Do you have to wear make-up just to go to the store?
One similarity that these behaviors have that is like substance abuse is withdrawal!! Your day not going well because you didn't have your coffee is an addictive behavior. Not sleeping because you haven't heard from the special someone today sounds like withdrawal...lol Doesn't it? Think about it. When a substance abuser doesn't get his fix sometimes he is left feeling sick and sometime volatile..that's called withdrawal. Do they differ? Are you addicted to anything or would like to share your thoughts.

March 6, 2006

We all have those days we would never forget. For me, the birth of all 3 of my babies hold a spot in my memory that I can never erase.

One other day is March 6, 2006, my brother's birthday and the day that my life forever changed.

For 6 months prior to this date, I had been going through a series of heath issues that were unexplainable. Vision loss (which happened once in 2001) numbness in my fingers and toes, even the loss of feeling in my fingers and toes all together.

What was wrong with me? Why was I having so many problems with doing things that came so natural to me.

The touch of a hair brush felt like a porcupine, certain fabrics across my skin felt like sand paper.

6months of testing, vision evoked tests, MRI, CT scans and lumbar puncture or spinal tap. That was the worse, they go into your back a few centimeters from your spine and extract fluid. That actually wasn't too bad, it was the blood patch I had to get. That's where they pull blood from one part of your body to seal up the hole the made in your back because of terrible side effects I was having.

Laying in bed crying, wondering why? What did I do sooooooooo wrong? I was finally happy and now this! 6 months of not knowing anything.

But, on March 6, 2006 my doctor told me that all my test came back inconclusive. He had no clue what was wrong. Until he pulled my spinal tap levels. The levels were abnormal and he told me I had MS.

My heart is racing!! He starts to tell me of the meds I should try. All included shots administered by me!

I left out of the office terrified. I didn't take the elevator for fear of someone seeing the tears. I walked down 3 flights of stairs and cried in the stairwell for a good 5 mins til I was able to meet my mom who was waiting in the car. I had to be strong for her. I down played how scared I was to everyone I knew. I can NOT have them worrying about me.

I lost ability to drive. My babies faces were fading before my eyes. I found myself not being able to get out of bed, couldn't hold a pen, couldn't run, could barely walk. I gave myself shots every day for 3 months. Then I realized that God had a plan for me, and it was going to come through this diagnosis.

To this day I am delivered and healed by my savior JESUS!! No more shots, I am driving again and seeing everything I should see. I am not in a wheelchair like the doc said I would be. I am not dealing with my legs giving out! I am healed. The doctor's didn't tell me, my faith did!

My faith told me that every lesion they saw on my MRI would be gone, and glory be to GOD it was!!! I am here sent by HIM to tell of HIS works in my life. He is not a respecter of person. HE will do it for you!! He is the God of the encore!! He will do it over and over again!!!

Thank you for listening!!!!

For other posts, visit my blog by clicking here.

Life's SURPRISES

Growing up, we are taught to get a great education so that we can get a great job working for others to make their dreams come true. We've learned that %60 is failing, where in my business %60 is AWESOME! School didn't teach me how to work from home with MY OWN BUSINESS! They didn't show me a plan B just in case life threw me a curve ball that I couldn't catch! When I was diagnosed with MS, none of my notes, books or tests prepared me for what I should do next. I've been in the medical field my entire life and in 6 months I could no longer do what I've always done! What I had thousands of dollars in student loans in. Every time I went to work, my MS would have me immobilized, debilitated. Couldn't see, couldn't drive, couldn't feel, and couldn't take care of my family. At one point I couldn't see my 2yr old's face, or my darling baby girl as a newborn. Thank God I had a family who was there and supportive. And a husband with a heart of gold and compassion like no other!! I had to stop working...my health depended on it! My cousin introduced me to a young lady that changed my life!!!


Yvonne came into my life and told me that there was another way! I could get healthier and work from home! Making my own money, no stress, do as I want when I want!! Her story of retiring at the age of 29 and working from home for at least 5 years was inspiring to me!! She then lead me to Robert Dean.
Multi-Millionaire Robert Dean has changed hundreds of lives through his company T.O.P.G.U.N Exp team. By teaching everyday people how to create a extra income full-time or part-time by contributing his tips and training. Mr. Dean and TOPGUN team have put many in a position to have success. His program is unified, his training is phenomenal, and his success is historical. Even though life has taken us on a different path at the moment, I know that the lessons I've learned will last a life time. And no matter where we end, I will ALWAYS consider Ms. Yvonne Berry as my mentor and not only a friend..but family.

God works in mysterious ways!! Through this venture, God brought me a great business partner!! Finally someone who shares the same faith and love for CHRIST!! The first person that I've shared private things with! Who can do that with someone they work with?? She is more than my business partner...she is one of my closest friends. Shonda Finklea!! Whether at work.........
Or at play...you are bound to find us together!!
By the way..check out her amazing transformation!!! ;)


This freedom has lead me to sooo many wonderful people!!
Extraordinary trainer, mentor, woman of GOD and documented Millionaire who has helped countless people reach their goals and dreams through phenomenal faith based trainings and leadership!! Donna Allen!


The list goes on and on and on!!! At the end of the day, life will take you on a journey. Not for the weak at heart but for those willing to step out on faith and let GOD direct your path! Do NOT let you fear grow bigger than your FAITH!!
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

WHEN MY THOUGHTS AREN'T ON CHICAGO.........: WOW!!!!!!!!

We all have something about our bodies that need tweaking, and if you don't, your health needs it. I, along with my friends, family and teammates have found something GREAT!!! The 90 day body by Vi Challenge!! I've never been the one who needed to lose weight, except right after my kids. I was always interested in gaining a pound or two! After being diagnosed with MS, my health became a HUGE factor! After gaining 8lbs, and helping my ENTIRE immediate family, a LOT of my distant family, friends, teammates and strangers to transform their bodies, it became a no brainer to get into the business as a challenge promoter!! Take a look at the before and after pics of my friends, family and teammates who participated in the 90 day body transformation challenge by clicking the Body by Vi Challenge Photos tab above!!

What's on my mind....

Here are a few of my old posts that I posted some time ago. Funny how life brings me back to this same place and these poems have been my therapy...more than once. Just wanted to share.



The loudest words spoken are the ones unheard

The ones that start with a kiss and end with a hug

The look in your eyes, the touch of your embrace



Nothing much has to be said, your spirit speaks volumes

Your silence is loud, your look is deafening



I hear your touch

I hear your silent tears

I hear your pain



While your words are kind and loving

Your silence is passionate,

Your silence is fearful,

Your silence is love



From your silence I can see your heart

No words are ever needed, I'm listening to your heart.

Humble Prayer

Heavenly father, I pray to thee,

help me to love others,

the way that you love me.

Help me Lord, in all that I do,

to always be a reflection of you.

Walk with me closely, night and day,

so I shall never go astray.

Live in my heart, and give me your light,

that someday I may become pleasing in your sight.

Make me your vessel, that others may see,

your spiritual presence dwelling within me.

Walk with me Father, till my journey is through,

then by your grace, bring me home to you.

Hear My Cry!!!

My heart is heavy and burdened
Lord hear my cry
The enemy is attacking all those around me
while you have been my comforter and my strength
some are still lost and weary
Lord take my pain and feeling of helplessness away
heal the bodies and the financial struggles of my
loved ones
Release the strongholds that the enemy has placed
Dry my tears and hold my heart
Help me to be a blessing to others
as you have used me before
Show me your works and keep me grounded in you
while I know weeping may endure for the night but
joy cometh in the morning.
hear my cry Lord.


Visit my blog here.

Look Into My Eyes

repost
Off and on throughout my life, I've dealt with insecurities and the feeling of self-consciousness. I now am able to see that all the things I was insecure about or self conscious about are no longer a factor. Not because I feel confident about these plagues, but because I know who I am in HIM and whose I am. It is not important at the end of the day. So I've learned to just be happy in the skin I'm in. I have grown content with my issues. I still have them, but they no longer have me. Here's what I wrote in my time of pain.

If you look into my eyes

you will find a young lady who has the ability

to laugh hysterically and cry uncontrollably

all in a day

You will find the jokester and life of the party

amongst her circle

Look into my eyes and you will find

I'm a mother, wife and friend

someone who puts others before her

loves those who angered her

befriends those who are different from her

brings those to tears in laughter

warms hearts with compassion and sincerity

but look a little deeper

You will find a young girl who still seeks approval

who's pain is deep and tears are shallow

but look a little deeper and you will find

the contentment of my present

the excitement of my future

the pain of my past

look a little deeper and you will find a young lady

who loves people

but wants to be alone (still tryin to figure that one out)

you will see a mother, wife and friend

deal with the curses of MS daily but ignore it

and keep it moving

you will find someone who will love so hard

til' it hurts

who has dealt with her own insecurities

not big enough, not tall enough and yes

not dark enough

Looking into my eyes will tell you

where I've been

the path I've followed

and pain I've endured

but look into my heart and you will find

where I'm headed

the happiness I' ve felt

and the journey I'm seeking

Look into my eyes......

Visit my blog here.

Ted Williams - The Man with the Golden Voice

I said this was our year, and it's his too! HE is putting HIS people in position!! Ya'll better get RIGHT before you get LEFT!! He is on HIS way!! Through it all, he knows who gets the credit!!

Accidental 'butt-dial' sends out SWAT team

Woman who received garbled call thought husband was being held hostage
SWAT teams swarmed a Chicago-area school Monday evening after some hip-hop music and an accidental phone call led a woman to believe her husband was being held hostage, officials said.

Toting automatic weapons and clad in riot gear, SWAT team members stormed the Winnetka, Ill., school where the woman's husband works and searched it for nearly three hours — all because of a so-called "butt-dial."

"You know how when you sit on your phone when it's in your back pocket and it calls the last number that was dialed? His wife was the last number he'd dialed," Winnetka Police Chief Joseph De Lopez told the Chicago Tribune.

"He was listening to music and he had, I don't know, hip-hop … or music like that, where there were lyrics that were gangster-like," said Mark Friedman, the school district's superintendent. "So there were lyrics on the radio as he was driving home, and she listened to it and became concerned."

The wife, who was not identified, told 911 that when she received the call, she could not get her husband to respond, reported Pioneer Local, leading her to believe he was being held hostage by a gunman in his office.

The sweep at the Carleton Washburne School ended when the man was found safe at home by police, the Tribune reported. The man, who is an administrative employee at the school, declined to comment on the situation.

"He's embarrassed," Superintendent Friedman told the Tribune. "Who wouldn't be? He's taking it hard that it created such a response."

The 500 students who attend the middle school had left for the day by the time the 30 officers, some in bulletproof vests and helmets with face shields, arrived.

Winnetka police had no estimate of how much was spent on resources during the false alarm. After both the employee and his wife were interviewed by investigators, it was deemed that there was no intent to deceive police. No charges will be filed.

Thought for the day...

Marriage is not about finding the right person, it's about being the right person. You can NOT be the right person if your heart is filled with anger, hurt, bitterness and resentment, there is no room for love. You can not be taught how to love, you have to experience it. The first step is to acknowledge that your heart is hurt. These hurts will leave a fossil like impression that can't be removed without the help of CHRIST. Making it impossible for someone to occupy a place in your heart. Turning "I do's" into "I don't". Then we start to blame the other person. "I thought he/she was the one", "she/he is not what I thought he/she would be." When all along, our hearts couldn't conceive it or receive it. God holds marriages to a high regard and HE wants them to work. ANY marriage can work because of HIS covenant. You don't have to be the "right one" you have to be the "correct one", and God will make that happen IF you want HIM to. So at the end of the day, don't go searching for Mr./Mrs. Right, be Mr./Mrs. Right and you will be drawn to a like spirit/characteristic which in turn will have you to become "the right one".

Saddened :-(

CHICAGO has lost a great fire fighter in this mornings tragic event. A friend of my husbands, Corey Ankum. Keep his family and the other fallen heroes and their fam in your thoughts and prayers. :-(

Changing lives..1 pound at a time!!

We all have something about our bodies that need tweaking, and if you don't, your health needs it. I, along with my friends, family and teammates have found something GREAT!!! The 90 day body by Vi Challenge!! I've never been the one who needed to lose weight, except right after my kids. I was always interested in gaining a pound or two! After being diagnosed with MS, my health became a HUGE factor! After gaining 5lbs, and helping my ENTIRE immediate family, a LOT of my distant family, friends, teammates and strangers to transform their bodies, it became a no brainer to get into the business as a challenge promoter!! Take a look at the before and after pics of my friends, family and teammates who participated in the 90 day body transformation challenge!!

Even the President is down for Visalus!!!!!!!

Signature powered by: esigmarketing.com Get yours today!

Click the buttons for more info!!!

Justin's Born Day!

My babies (Morgan 2, Justin the birthday boy 6, and Tyler 11)

Justin is by far a comedian!! Over the years he has said some things that have stuck with me, I had to share them before I start to forget! I hope you enjoyed his lil comments as I ALWAYS do! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN!!!!! MOMMY LOVES YOU!!!!

1, "Oh snap grandma!!! We can't get up!" - Justin age 3, he and his grandma were on an air mattress.
2, "Hey mommy, here's the thing for your muscles. Yours are sooo much bigger than daddies". - Justin age 3, bringing me my bra!! smh
3, "I'm going to be quiet now, I'm talking away all my fresh breath". - Justin age 5, after brushing his teeth.
4, "Mommy is it today or tomorrow?" - Justin age 5, after hearing me tell him, "you can play the wii tomorrow". smh...again. lol
5, "Mommy you are out of your twenties?? I thought when you get out of your twenties you die!" - Justin age 5, 2 weeks ago!
6, I asked Justin on the first day of school if he made any friends. And his comment to me, which is my favorite is.........." It's too early, I haven't decided on who I'm going to pick yet".

That comment made me realize that way tooo often we let our friends chose us, when we are supposed to chose them! From the mouth of a babe! Love you Justin!

One Nation Under GOD!

A Pastor with GUTS!

Thought you might enjoy this interesting
prayer given in Kansas at
the opening session of their Senate. It seems
prayer still upsets some
people.. When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open
the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usualgeneralities, but this is





what they heard:

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask
your forgiveness and to seek your direction and
guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those
who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we
have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed
our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it
the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it
welfare..

We have killed our unborn and called it
choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it
justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our
children and called it building self esteem....

We have abused power and called it
politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions
and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and
pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values
of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts
today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.
Amen!


The response was immediate. A number of
legislators walked out during the prayer in
protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian
Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than
5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls
responding negatively. The church is now receiving
international requests for copies of this prayer
from India , Africa and Korea .

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on
his radio program, 'The Rest of the Story,'and
received a larger response to this program than any
other he has ever aired.


With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep
over our nation and wholeheartedly become our
desire so that we again can be called 'one nation
under God.'

Faith

We all know that God placed a measure of faith in each of us. We also know that Faith is the substance of all things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. How many know that faith comes by hearing? How many know that faith without works is dead? How many know that we must meet God halfway in order to receive all that He has for us. While God will not do it all, He also doesn't expect us to. We can't go to him in prayer for everything and do nothing ourselves. He wants to see your level of commitment, your heart, and your love for him. We use faith in all aspects of our lives.

While we know we are to sow seeds, we can also ask God to bless us with a seed to sow. You can have faith to sow the amount of your heart or the amount God calls you to give. Some don't realize that sowing a seed is not for God. He already owns your house, car and accounts. He has the kingdom that never goes broke, that never withers. God calls us to sow seeds to bring out our inner potential or deliverance. It is only to get you to the next place in your life and in Him. He tests our level of obedience by putting on our heats what He wants us to do or to give. Sometimes we are confused of whom the speaker is. We say, "God won't tell me to sow my last 300 dollars". But how many know that satan will not have you giving to God's Kingdom. We also have reservations because we have never been called to do such a task. Many don't realize you are being called to do something you've never done before so that God can take you where you've never been before. Our minds can't conceive what our hearts are trying to achieve. Our natural minds cant fathom it. A lot of us feel that now is not the time. Bills are too high and too much is going on in our lives. Well, that is the best time to do so.

Faith without works will be void. Do your part. Not because you want something in return, but because it's the least you can do considering the blood he shed for you. Don't have a seed to sow? Your faith will make it happen. Give God 10% of your time, of your day, of your hours.

Sow your seed for a renewal of Faith, wisdom, knowledge and understanding, and I promise you, God will give it back 10 fold!

Def and living with Tourette

Meet Shawn Jackson. I met him on a social networking site and we became fast friends. My hubby and I even had the pleasure to have him accompany us to a business meeting, in which he kindly gave us a copy of his magazine J'Adore!! He is an inspiring, down to earth, humble young man that has learned to play the hand life has dealt him. Even if that hand was a "fold". Check out his magazine and a poem he wrote about being def and having tourette!

WELL SAID MY FRIEND!!

Several parts of me Alone. Many of you know I have Tourette and I'm Deaf. But I never told anyone really how I felt. This is it.



I scream, I hiss, I flail, I miss

I hurt, I maim, and I feel this

A hurt, a twitch, an internal dis

A loss of control, a nuclear near miss

I can't help it, Can't stop it

Can't undo it, can't block it

I can't restrain or refrain it

Can't train my body to contain it

Its built up, can't shut up,

like a faucet that's dripped up

Movements and vocals stay popped up

And through it all, I stand up

Can't stop me, can't contain me

I won't allow it to define me

It doesn't explain the real me

I'm quite sane, here is no insanity

You see the Tourette and think it's me

But is that all there is of me that you see?

Is my yelling indicative of my capacity?

Or is that all you can judge as my quality?



Silence, stillness, yet a static noise

The quiet, the irritation, yet a fake poise

Bearing derision, isolation, yet still making noise

Aloneness, tears welling, yet joking w/ the boys

The hunger for hearing, for understanding, and learning

Yet none stepped forward to hear my yearning

None wanted to learn a new way of communicating

with me, and so I was left wanting and hurting

Alone, quite bare and cold, left needing an ear, a hand

another soul who could understand, with hands,

my words. And the last sounds i heard was in some distant stands

on TV in a crowd gone wild. And here, I thought, alone I stand

Depression took me hard like a terrible earthquake

And to it, there is nothing I can quite equate

to the sadness that enveloped me whole, made my soul deflate

Nothing prepared me for a world of Deafness, a totally new state

I had to move away to find my world, a new world of silent words

it was "Fire" and "water" said with hands, pictures became words

It was first place in my mind, no where near a distant third

Being able to talk without uttering a single word

Months became years, and years piled on and on

yet my wanting, while on hold, had finally won

The road to finally getting my CI was one that was hardspun

on an axis delicately balanced, as if I carried a ton

And now that I can hear, it's not totally a clean sheet

Still with the triumphs and hardships settling beneath

I still struggle, day and out, without using a cheatsheet

Reading lips, saying "pardon?" and "Repeat please?"



My life is my own, and its not been easy

Still not, but life isn't for the queasy.