Wednesday, April 30, 2008


If you have kids we will agree that it is the hardest but most rewarding job ever! All the books in the world can not teach you how to raise kids. It's funny that you can practice driving at 15 and drive at 16, go to jail at 18 and drink at 21. But no preparation for the biggest event ever. RAISING CHILDREN!

When do you talk about sex? When do you let your child date or sleep over at a friends' house? Who knows? One thing we do is follow our own upbringing. We teach our children what we were taught and we do things differently than what was done to us. I think it's safe to say we all want whats best for them and we want them to have more than we had.

But what do you do when grades are slipping or you are getting major attitudes? Now attitude is where I can relate. My soon to be 9yr old boy, yes boy, is giving major attitude. I expect him to jump but he jumps when he is ready and at his own pace and height! Needless to say he has a hard headed streak as well. Don't get me wrong. He is well loved and liked by all. Teachers, kids and family always want Tyler. He is a straight A student with a B here or there and well mannered out in public and with others. But he gets home and gets free! No one believes the stories I have on him. Nuff bout me, Lawd he can keep me going!

But I have learned that sticking to your word is important when punishing or they will run over you at anytime. Some people don't like punishments because that leaves the child with them. I know. Trust me, I hate taking away play stations and game boys and dates because he will drive me crazy. Not to mention when I have to take away a play date. Parents we all know that play date was our babysitter to go out and have a good time. A well needed good time. But that's the life of a parent. We must sacrifice for our children, even for a good time. They may hate us now but trust they will love you later. Another major mistake is being your childs friend. You have to seperate having a fun and open relationship and being a friend. That's why we have the Lindsey Lohans' and Brittney Spears' of the world.

While I don't have all the answers, I do know that God is very important in a childs upbringing. Like my husband told his parents. No matter how far he strayed or how lost he was as a young man, he always had his faith to fall back on. I want my kids to say the same thing. That no matter how many mistakes we have made, one thing they know is that I instilled in them God and His principals. So if they ever fall and don't know what to do, they can say, "momma taught me how to pray". And if I look back and realize I haven't taught them anything but God, then it was a lesson well taught.


You are who you are for a reason. Your upbringing and environment help to shape who you are. The morals you were taught and your faith are tell-tell signs of you and your personality. But at some point in your life you will make your own decisions and lean on your on morality, and at this point your upbringing or environment no longer is at fault. Every life experience molds you. That bitter break up might have you hostile towards men. The absence of your father might have you looking for love in all the wrong places. The praise from loved ones might make you work a little bit harder. Or the fact of being raised with sister and brothers might allow you to be a better communicator and help you become more sociable in social settings. You might even be outgoing. Opposed to someone raised alone who might be a loner, introvert and quiet in social settings. Nevertheless, all situations, environments and people, whether positive or negative, has made you stronger. So welcome the adversities, the nay Sayers and the haters because they helped shape you and better prepare you for the many let downs. Past and present!

Friday, April 25, 2008


While studying the human mind is not my profession, I still find myself paying very close attention to behavior. Body language and the tone of our voice speaks volumes, but most importantly words not heard are the loudest words spoken. Meaning there is more in what you don't say than what you do. We all know the famous line, "say what you mean and mean what you say". Unfortunately nowadays neither are done. However, you can find the truth in someone without them speaking a word. Are they looking you in the eyes when telling you something, are their arms folded while talking to you? Studying or paying attention to behaviors will answer the untold truth, especially if these behaviors are out of the ordinary for the one you know.

Child psychology is what is dear to me. Our babies are acting out trying to tell us things that their littler mouths or heads have yet to fathom. Before spanking, time-outs, or revoked privileges, see where their head is. Study why your child is behaving in such a manor. A 2yr old that is having a 1hour tantrum probably has nothing to do with that toy he/she can't have. Look a little deeper. Could it be the absence of a parent, or the arrival of a new sibling. What about the promiscuous teen that has been labeled a hoe? Could her being raped and not knowing her father have anything to do with her behavior? Everything we do is for a reason. So before you write them off, punish them or simply give up on them, pay attention to them. Remember the loudest words heard are the ones unspoken.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


My heart is heavy and burdened
Lord hear my cry
The enemy is attacking all those around me
while you have been my comforter and my strength
some are still lost and weary
Lord take my pain and feeling of helplessness away
heal the bodies and the financial struggles of my
loved ones
Release the strongholds that the enemy has placed
Dry my tears and hold my heart
Help me to be a blessing to others
as you have used me before
Show me your works and keep me grounded in you
while I know weeping may endure for the night but
joy cometh in the morning.
hear my cry Lord.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


There has been a host of woman to take ship when the going gets tough. Remember the runaway bride? She left her husband to be and a host of family members who were in town for her wedding because of depression and fear of marriage. She even changed her identity and had the family thinking she was kidnapped after a morning jog. But she was not the only one to succumb to the madness. Today the Midwest lawyer/councilmen who drove from Carolina to Ga while six months pregnant, claiming that she had been kidnapped by a couple and was able to break free was sentenced to probation. The minute I heard she was in front of six flags flagging down help, I knew it was a hoax. The story was made up. She left due to a "mental break down".

Don't get me wrong, I understand the stress of motherhood, post partum depression, hormonal imbalances, that time of the month, juggling a career, family, children and the support/psychotherapist we all play to our loved ones. All of us as woman have just wanted to run away, get in our cars and drive till we are out of gas. Being a woman is hard. But when you vanish, and leave your family without a word is wrong and selfish. Whats wrong with telling your family, "I'm going thru some things and I need to get away."But sometimes all sanity is gone. The ability to think rationally has flown out the window. When you aren't mentally balanced, that type of thinking is impossible. This behavior is a cry for help. If you are having thoughts of hurting yourself or your children talk with someone. If you are crying all the time, sleeping alot, loosing weight or just not feeling yourself talk to someone. Even if you notice someone not acting themselves do something. We have had too many columbines and runaway brides to just let it pass. Do something!!


I'm watching the news this morning and they were talking about a massive fire in Michigan that housed over 200 elderly. There was a scene of a fireman trying to get into the building from the roof. Battling the flames and smoke, trying desperately to get in when most are running out. My level of respect and admiration has changed for the men in uniform ever since 9/11. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved and respected our firemen for their work. But in recent events, while I still respect our officers of the law, I'm not as fond of them. There has been so much police brutality and so many of them are seeming to be on the other side of the law. While I respect what they do, and know it's not easy to risk your life daily for some people that can careless about your life, I don't trust them. From merely filling their quota on the US highways, to racial profiling and even down to that desperate 911 call that was not taken seriously and resulted in someones death.
Maybe after hearing this story you will see where I am coming from.
In 1989 at the age of 10 (lawd I'm old) at 10pm, my younger sister, older sister, older cousin and I walked the dark streets of the south side of Chicago. We did this regularly to escort my mother home from the clothing store she managed. There is strength in numbers so we were always at least 4 deep. My older sister and cousin were very watchful and observant and noticed a black van with black tinted windows driving slowly behind us. When we sped up, so did they. We crossed the street, they made a U-turn. Then out of no where the van cuts us off and the doors slide open. You could see nothing but darkness in the van. My sister grabbed my and my cousin grabbed my other sister and we began to run. The van stayed in view. We saw a patrol car in the intersection. As we ran to him in the middle of the street in a panic to tell him whats going on, his words were, "you all are running like you stole something." The light turns green he asks us if we are ok? And he drives off. No he didn't go to look for the van, no he didn't radio anyone. No he did not have any concern for 4 young ladies ranging from 9-25. Did he protect and serve us? Do I have a right to be angry and non trusting? Considering the fact that we still had to walk back home once we reached my mothers work.

Are there any police officers out there that would like to comment? Do you have a similar situation and want to share?? Let me know.....

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Ok this disturbs me!! Not only the kids but why did the photographer even take this pic!! Why did he let it get out! Many would whoop their behinds, but that is not the only key. This isn't just learned behavior from seeing a rated R flick, this is a performed behavior. When teens are over sexed at 15, something happened at 12!! Don't get me wrong, I blame the media too, but we know this did not come from it alone. Parents, close your door, check out your new boyfriend that is taking your 4yr lil girl to the restroom!! Be more observant. We know children will experiment. They are exploring their bodies, things are happening to it that they don't understand. Talk to them before their friends and t.v does. I have an 8yr old and this pic makes me wonder should I have talked to him at 5?? Parents this is not acceptable! Stop letting the tv raise your kids! Promote school, career, marriage then kids! Give them love, because if you don't they will get it from someone else! Tell them sex is for married couples. Tell them. I promise they are listening. Example, my son could not understand how me and my brother have different fathers but my mom only married one! For a while he actually thought kids only came from married people. Great way to think but its not true. I had to destroy that utopia with the truth...every parents nightmare!!!